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...and I don't mean Strippers.....

I was in the supermarket the other day, someplace I hate to go, and I noticed something I'd never seen before. Now, I typically buy pretty straightforward stuff with a minimum of junk food. I tend to avoid processed foods when I can, don't eat a lot of mixes or frozen dinners, that sort of thing. Believe me, I'm not a health nut - plenty of bacon, wheat thins, and butter go in the basket, but I try.

So, I'm surfing through the overcrowded dairy section looking for butter and what do I run into between the yogurt and the cookie dough (dairy?!?!?) but something called 'cheesecake filling' made by none other than 'Philadelphia Brand' (hey, what the fuck is it with Philly and cream cheese anyway....do they claim to have invented the stuff or something?!?!?).

My mind reeled at the thoughts flooding through it as I stared at this new discovery. Why in the hell would ANYBODY want to eat preprocessed cheese-food crap like this and call it cheesecake. Why is it that cheesecake is so maligned in our culture anyway? A good cheesecake is truly a work of art....I'm not talking about that 'Cheesecake Factory' crap. I mean like the kind you get at small eateries in NY city. Rich, but not overly sweet, made with fresh ingredients and love.....

And while I'm on the subject, why do people insist on taking something like a good cheesecake and dumping all kinds of shit on top of it? I mean, WTF a good cheesecake is not enough for ya', you gotta pollute it with vast assortments of blueberrys, strawberrys, chocolate, and FUCKING WHIPPED CREAM?!?!?!?!

I digress.

So, there is stood pondering these thoughts when the strangest aspect of this product hit me full force. Not only was I confronted by the questionable 'cheesecake filling' product, but it came in one size only A TWO POUND BUCKET!!!! And then I knew...this stuff has nothing to do with cheesecake....this stuff has to do with white trash couch potatos laying around watching the tube and ladling this stuff into their gullets by the gallon.

Somebody probably got a raise for coming up with that product...

Comments

wayn3w said…
Most cheesecake recipes that use a 9" pie crust call for 32 oz of cream cheese. So one 2-lb container would be appropriate for 1 pie.
June 14, 2007 at 11:08 AM
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