Skip to main content

How about stuffing some corn husks in a pillowcase?

While I was at the theater the other night, the now common string of commercials was playing before the feature started. I HATE this, but there's nothing I can do about it. The last commercial was for a mall franchise called 'Build a Bear'. The commercial left me wide mouthed and speechless. It took me several minutes to realize that it was actually a commercial not some subversive Fellini-esque parody of a commercial.
I hate...no I FUCKING HATE malls and all of the stupid franchises that have been invented as part of the burgeoning mall culture in this country. A bunch of bored, ignorant shit heads walking around a manufactured utopia of over priced stores buying shit that they don't need from companies who only want to get their money......it makes me want to puke. But I digress. I just wanted to convey how much I hate the mentality of the people who think up these concept stores for the mall culture...and that's part of what left me speechless after seeing this commercial.
You see, I can't fucking BELIEVE that our culture has disintegrated to the point that we need a whole chain of stores that sell NOTHING but mix and match stuffed bear (and doll) parts! I mean, I could get behind someplace where you take your kids and they actually learned how to make a stuffed toy....that would be cool....but no, we get 'Build a Bear' with it's fucking smarmy tone, selling manufactured joy to the denizens of Malltopia and their kids. And the arrogance! They package this shit like it's something people actually need! And being a mall franchise I can only imagine the ridiculous prices they get for this crap....
I remember, SNL used to do a recurring skit about a mall store called 'Just Tape' that sold only tape (the sticky kind)...the running joke was that somebody would always call looking for audio tape....anyway, you KNEW that this was a joke.

These people aren't joking....

Comments

Dot Dwyer said…
How about writing about people who criticize you for no reason ? Huh ? Or how's about boxers vs briefs ? Hmmmmm ? Write about the last sunset you saw. C'mon man . . . .post pictures of yourself naked eating a chili dog !Throw me a bone , Buddy ! Throw me a Bone !!!!! You're welcome. . . . .
July 31, 2007 at 10:56 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Invasion (repost)

The ships arrived at dawn and by 8:00 AM it was clear that wherever the aliens were from, they were far, far ahead of us technologically. They demanded not a world or national leader or statesman, not a poet laureate, but a common person to whom they would explain their demands. I had spent the night passed out at the laundromat after a party at Sullivan's. It was there that the UN Security Force found me and hustled me onto the alien shuttle. There were hordes of politicos, strategists, academics, etc. all babbling incessantly about what I should say and try to learn. I was just thinking of a cold Heineken and some sardines and crackers. On the ship I was led to a smallish room with a huge dais sized couch thing and a smaller, humanform chair. I took the chair. Shortly our alien invader appeared. It was big. REALLY big, like elephant big. It's body would be best described as fish like. Its head was a sunken cavity in the large end of the fish body that had two eyestalk like ap
1 comment
Read more

A Rose By Any Other Name...

I was walking home from the grocery store yesterday and a flight of urban pigeons caught my eye as they flew toward me. As usual, a couple of them were flying precariously low, so that as they came closer I instinctively ducked. When this happens I'm not near as concerned that a pigeon is going to collide with me as I am that one is going to shit on me. It's happened. Anyway, all of this got me to thinking about...err...shit! I know this isn't an attractive topic for the old blog, but think about it -- for something as useless as shit, the human race has come up with a lot of words for it. They say Inuits have 100 different words to describe snow. I decided to see how many words came to mind to mean shit. Here goes: shit crap caca dung cowpie (specialized) manure spoor droppings guano excrement turd feces scat ordure That's about all that I can some up with. 14. That's 14 words to describe something that's useful for two things, fertilizer and medical dia
3 comments
Read more

Mr. Creosote's food science....

I like to eat. Really. I appreciate well prepared food, be it some regional peasant fare or expertly crafted haute cuisine. I like to cook too, and I'm pretty good at it. I refuse to use a recipe and tend to like to prepare simpler, straightforward dishes. Sometimes after watching a cooking show or perusing a menu on the window of a fancy restaurant, I like to play a little game where I think about ideas for dishes that, frankly, sound uhhh, not so good. Here's a few ideas: -tuna pudding -peanut butter soup with canned asparagus spears and cranberries -angel hair pasta with stewed prunes -waffles with anchovy paste -oatmeal with braised eel -baked trout stuffed with parsnips and Brachs caramels -pan fried calves liver with orange sauce -egg rolls stuffed with cottage cheese and vienna sausages -gaspaucho of strawberries, waermelon, peaches, and oysters with a chicken fat meringue Isn't this fun? The best part is that one will hopefully never have to eat any of this!
2 comments
Read more